Chuck Norris Vs. Linus Torvalds

Scritto da Aleks il 4 Novembre 2007.

Chi gira per la rete da qualche tempo, molto probabilmente ha già visto questo sito, o ne ha trovato estratti o traduzioni. Ora un altro personaggio quasi leggendario può vantare una simile agiografia: Linus Torvalds.

Questo post rappresenta la sua consacrazione. Riporto qui sotto per comodità le parti più significative.

• Linus Torvalds once found a segmentation fault in the universe.
• Linus Torvalds can run kill -9 and kill Chuck Norris.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t die, he simply returns zero.
• Linus Torvalds first written program had artificial intelligence.
• Linus can divide by zero.
• Linus Torvalds runs Linux on his wristwatch and toster.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t receive error messages.
• There is no theory of probability, just a list of events that Linus Torvalds allows to occur.
• Linus Torvalds does not sleep. He hacks.
• Linus surfs the web using nothing but netcat.
• Linus Torvalds can play 3D games in his head by interpreting the source code in real-time.
• Linus made the red pill.
• Linus Torvalds didn’t learn from the University of Helsinki, the University of Helsinki learned from Linus Torvalds.
• Linus Torvalds once developed a programming language so good that it makes python look like punch cards.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t need to boot.
• Linus is real, unless declared Integer.
• Linus doesn’t push the flush toilet button. He simply says “make clean”.
• Linus Torvalds has no dependencies.
• Linus Torvalds takes one look at your desktop and knows which porn sites you visited. In the last ten years.
• Linus Torvalds sleeps with nunchucks.
• Linus can enrich himself simply by chowning your bank account. He does not do this because there is no challenge in it.
• There are no man pages for Linus Torvalds, only god pages.
• Linus Torvalds can do an infinite loop in five seconds… in his head.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t wear glasses anymore not because he had laser eye surgery, but because he finally got his xorg.conf properly configured in his head.
• Linus Torvalds can use a nice level lower than -20.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t need to mount his drives.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t debug. His programs are always perfect.
• Linus Torvalds can install Linux on a dead badger.
• Linus Torvalds doesn’t need backups. He just uploads his files and lets the world mirror them.
• Linus Torvalds is taking over the world. Microsoft is just a diversion so that no one would suspect a mild mannered Finnish programmer.
• Linus Torvalds already has Linux 3.0. He is just keeping it to himself to build suspense.
• Linus Torvalds didn’t design Linux to run on the 386. Intel designed the 386 to run Linux.
• People pray to Jesus, but Jesus prays to Linus Torvalds.
• Linus need not worry about Microsoft patent crap, he simply do `sudo mv /tmp/ms /dev/null`.
• Linus Torvalds is more powerful than root.
• If you could read Linus Torvald’s mind, you’d find that his stream of conciousness is entirely in binary.
• Linus scared A and B away, so they had to make C.
• Linus only has 2 buttons on his keyboard ‘1′ and ‘0′
• Linus’s kernel never panics.
• Linus does not use the GCC, he _writes_ binaries.

Tags: Chuck Norris, Linus Torvards

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